“Do you know what it means to be a good parent? It’s staying healthy for a long time.” This quote from the Netflix Kdrama Hometown Cha Cha Cha stuck with me particularly because it echoes my years-long prayer to be able to meet my grandchildren. Growing up, I didn’t get to know and bond with my grandparents. My parents weren’t able to stay around either to meet my children. Far fetched as it is, this desire to meet my grandchildren grew even stronger when we found out that, months after we lost our twins, another baby was on his way.
The pregnancy journey proved difficult for me, though more gracious than the first one. Morning All day sickness, aches in so many parts of my body, mandatory bed rest, loads of antibiotics and other medicines to fight off a batch of infections, and daily insulin injections added to the anxiety of possibly losing another baby. Coming from a place of unanswered prayers with our twins, it’s easy to worry and panic. Each day that passed became an answered prayer, hoping that we’d make it until at least week 37. Coming from a perspective of unanswered prayers, asking God for the bare minimum seemed a leap of faith. Looking back, I realized how God must have laughed at my small faith. And at the same time, I realized how gracious He was in answering my prayers nonetheless. It’s not really about me or my faith, but about Him — His heart for me and His limitless capabilities.
It’s also interesting how God used the book of Ecclesiastes to nurture my soul and spirit throughout my pregnancy. Each day I kept reading, “Everything is meaningless.” But the deeper message couldn’t have been more reassuring: What we have in Jesus and what we look forward to in eternity is more than what this life could offer. There is nothing to lose! It is pleasing and satisfying to receive what we desire in this world and God wants us to enjoy the life He’s given us, but the greater joy is in knowing that whatever happens in this world or in this lifetime cannot compare to what we will experience in eternity with Him. So with this mindset, I hope and pray that I (and Dhan also) can stay around for as long as Danstan (and our other children in the future haha) would need us. But if not, let God’s will be done. As one quote says, we cannot choose how we will die. But we can choose how we live. Let’s choose to live in light of God’s love.
Danstan, you were conceived with a promise. We wept and mourned the loss of your twin brothers, but there is also a time to laugh and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4). You, Danstan, have brought us laughter; you are our bundle of joy. Your first name means God gifted, exemplar, teacher. Your second name means born of fire, handsome. May you grow as proof that life is God’s gift, and your life is an example and a lesson on His goodness and grace. Of course, my prayer is that you will grow handsome and full of fire šš Lastly, may your life continue to testify that the Lord is faithful with His promise: He protects; He redeems; He restores.
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“the righteous and the wise and their works are in the hand of God.” – Ecclesiastes 9:1b
hearts and sky 